De todito

Embracing Multidimensionality:

De Todito embraces multidimensionality, allowing me to convey the profound complexity of my own lived experiences. Narratives intertwine seamlessly with threads of resilience, strength, and a deep-seated longing for the acknowledgment and recognition of my people. Existing in the fluid and often challenging borderlands of identity, I find myself navigating the rich yet fraught terrain of being a first-generation artist, a space where I am neither wholly white nor fully Hispanic. My cultural position has always compelled me to lean into my indigenous roots, un-colonized, drawing inspiration from concepts of land and the interconnectedness of all living beings. Each intricate layer of my multifaceted identity informs my art, resulting in the creation of an elaborate tapestry that not only celebrates diversity but also grapples with the challenges of belonging. Ultimately, this artistic endeavor invites others to recognize the depth and nuance of our shared stories, fostering a greater understanding of our collective experiences.

In 1980, Julia Kristeva presented a groundbreaking exploration in her work Powers of Horror: An Essay on Abjection. Within this seminal piece, Kristeva delved into the notion of abjection, a concept that unravels subjective horror by exposing the profound discomfort individuals face when confronted with their repressed "corporeal reality." By peering into the darkest corners of human experience, Kristeva's framework sheds light on the underlying fears and anxieties embedded within these narratives. Moreover, Kristeva's concept serves as a critical lens to understand and dissect various forms of discriminatory behavior that persist in society. Misogyny, homophobia, and even genocide find roots in the abject; they are deeply intertwined with the revulsion and rejection of those deemed as "other" or outside the boundaries of the normative construct. By exploring the abject, we can unravel the underlying mechanisms that perpetuate such hate and exclusion.

It is essential to acknowledge that Kristeva's concept of abjection builds upon traditional psychoanalytic theories. By delving into the depths of the human psyche, she unearths the complex interplay between our conscious and unconscious desires, fears, and social constructs. During the unprecedented period of quarantine and the rise of online classes, an intriguing concept took shape in my mind as I delved into the visual exploration of the abject. I turned to the fusion of symbols found both in popular culture and my ancestral background, I turned to not only Kristeva's work but also Goya’s Black paintings and Caprichos as well as Hieronymus Bosch and his Garden of Earthly Delights. The backdrop against which this piece emerged was one characterized by immense challenges. The world was grappling with the ripples of widespread violence, the remembrance of countless lives lost, and the overwhelming sense of isolation brought on by quarantine. It was during this time that the collective psyche seemed to undergo a process of desensitization, numbing individuals to the suffering of others.

The Top realm: Finding Peace in Ancestral Rituals

My ancestral roots originate from Colombia, a place where both my parents and sister were born and raised. However, I encountered our rich cultural heritage solely within the confines of our home, amidst the sterile environments of predominantly white neighborhoods. As I gradually unraveled the intricate layers of what it meant to be Latinx/ Indigenous within the fabric of this nation, intertwined with the complexities of being identified as a woman, I discovered solace and guidance in my ancestral power and historical legacy. These unspoken narratives of immigration and assimilation have become my unwritten bible verses, a treasury of wisdom that propels me forward on my journey.

These rituals, passed down through generations, serve as beacons of solace amidst the whirlwinds of modern existence. They restore my sense of identity, reconnecting me with the echoes of my ancestors who walked the same path before me. From the incense-laden rooms where I meditate, enveloped by the scent of palo santo and copal, to the rhythmic beats of Afro-Colombian drums that transport me to a realm where spirit and body merge, each ritual ties me firmly to my heritage. The power of these practices flows through my veins and fuels my resilience, reminding me of the strength and endurance that runs deep within my blood.

Through my journey, I have discovered that these rituals are not mere superficial adornments, but instead the foundation upon which I build my existence. They carry the weight of centuries, layered with stories of resilience, defiance, and survival. They empower me to navigate the challenges of the present, imbuing me with the strength to forge ahead and face adversity head-on. In a world often plagued by uncertainty and turmoil, I find solace in the rituals that bind me to my ancestral lineage. They are the tangible manifestations of the intangible wisdom that courses through my history. With each practice, a piece of my identity strengthens, fortifying my spirit and enabling me to navigate the complexities of my dual heritage. They are sacred verses, whispered through time, guiding me back to myself, to the essence of who I am and what I stand for.

The Bottom Realm: Reflecting the Unsettling Reality of Recent Years

The bottom realm served as a haunting reflection of the violent reality that consumed both 2020 and 2021. With limited social interactions and an abundance of solitary time, I surprisingly found solace in immersing myself in a world of crime documentaries, horror films, violent news videos, and conspiracies.

The confluence of these disturbing events left me questioning the fabric of reality and pondering the true motives behind such macabre occurrences. Protests plagued not only the U.S. following the brutal murder of George Perry Floyd but also in Colombia following the brutal murder of Dilan Cruz. Both acts committed by the police, reminding us that there are no ACTUAL systems of protection in place for minorities— for those deemed as less than. Reminding us, that we as a community, as a people, must protect each other. We must organize. We must gather. We must speak. As I reflect on the bottom realm, with its unmistakable blend of violence, isolation, and uncertainty, I cannot help but acknowledge that it is a culmination of all these factors. But in acknowledging these grim truths, we must also seek solace in the resilience of the human spirit. Even amidst the depths of despair and the onslaught of unsettling events, there is room for hope, unity, and collective action. It is only by confronting the darkness head-on that we can begin to forge a brighter tomorrow, free from the grip of violence and isolation force-fed to us by systems capitalism. As we navigate the uncertain path ahead, let us not be consumed by the darkness but let us emerge with a renewed sense of compassion, a commitment to justice, and an unwavering belief in the power of humanity to overcome adversity. Only then can we overshadow the horrors of the past, and create a future that is defined by healing, understanding, and genuine progress.